You Can’t Give What You Don’t Have: The Adult-First Approach of Conscious Discipline

Jesma Noel has a Master’s Degree in Clinical Psychology, is a researcher at CCCN and editor of GCCN’s newsletter, Grenada, Caribbean

“Supporting children’s emotional and cognitive development begins with the adults around them.”

We tell children to calm down, use kind words, and manage their feelings, yet as adults, we can sometimes find ourselves becoming impatient, overwhelmed, or reacting in ways we later regret. Children don’t just listen to what we say, they learn from what we do. If we want children to develop self-regulation, empathy, and healthy ways of responding to challenges, we must first start with ourselves. This is at the heart of Conscious Discipline where change begins with the adult.

Conscious Discipline is an evidence-based, neurodevelopmentally-based curriculum developed by Dr. Becky Bailey. It guides the work of the Global Center for Child Neurodevelopment (GCCN) through the Caribbean Center for Child Neurodevelopment (CCCN) and the East African Center for Child Neurodevelopment (EACCN). Conscious Discipline is an adult-first approach in which adults first learn to regulate themselves so they can help children regulate. Regulation means having enough control over our thoughts, emotions, and behaviour to pause, think, and respond. When a regulated adult helps a child manage their emotions, this is co-regulation. Over time, co-regulated children become self-regulated adolescents, adults, and parents.

“Conscious Discipline is an adult-first approach in which adults first learn to regulate themselves so they can help children regulate.”

For an adult to self-regulate, they first need to be aware of their own brain state. Conscious Discipline is guided by the Brain State Model, which teaches that when we feel unsafe or disconnected, our brains can shift into the survival or emotional state. In these states, our ability to connect and problem-solve is reduced. For adults, everyday stress, conflict, and challenging behaviour can trigger these states, making it more difficult to respond in healthy ways. We may find ourselves yelling, punishing, or reacting in ways we later regret. We can move from the survival or emotional state into the executive state through composure, one of the core Conscious Discipline skills. In the executive state we are able to problem-solve, resolve conflict, teach and learn. 

Conscious Discipline also challenges us to examine how we perceive, interpret, and respond to children’s behaviour. For instance, the Power of Perception helps adults examine how their interpretation of a child’s behaviour influences their response. Positive Intent encourages us to look for the need or skill behind behaviour rather than assuming the worst. Through Empathy and Noticing, we learn to acknowledge children’s feelings and describe what we observe without judgment. Through the skill of Assertiveness, we set boundaries that keep children safe and help them learn. Together, these skills help adults become better able to manage their thoughts and emotions, understand children’s behaviour, foster safety and connection and model desired behavior. 

The experiences of parents and educators who practice Conscious Discipline highlight the importance of this adult-first approach. 

Mr. Frank Ajwang, a Kenyan father and public health worker with EACCN, described his experience: “I struggled a lot with correcting my children. I was either shouting or caning. But after learning about Conscious Discipline, I realized that for the brain to function best, there must be love, connection, and safety.”

Grade 4 teacher Ms. Yolande Placid, who participates in the CCCN School Conscious Discipline Programme in Carriacou, shares: “When I am composed, the students calm themselves and we can work together in a productive, respectful, and safe environment. When we first change ourselves, we create an environment for students to thrive academically, socially, and emotionally.”
Supporting children’s emotional and cognitive development begins with the adults around them. Before we ask children to regulate, connect, empathize, or solve problems, we must be willing to practice those skills ourselves.
It starts with us.

To learn more about the Caribbean, East African, or Global Centers for Child Neurodevelopment, or about Conscious Discipline, visit our websites: cccnd.org, eaccnd.org, ccnd.com